Deny being Dependent

I lived my life in my way
And taught you the same each day
Today as my vitals start to retire
I deny I deny
I deny being dependent for the rest of my way

My eyes are giving up on me, I know
But my vision soars high with every blow
With this energy and experience of years
I deny I deny
I deny being dependent on things I don’t know

When I had life, you were my dream
I lived you and struggled to make you true
But as this night sets on me my Son
I deny I deny
I deny being dependent on the shadows of your light

Like I nurtured the light in you
And loved to see you gleam and glow
Now it is time you cultivate these weakening roots
I will I will
I will live this life for the rest of my way


(with love to my elders)

Preaching Mode and I

There goes a panchtantra tale of maina and a monkey with maina coming in preaching mode and monkey reacting to maina’s undesired pack of advices by destroying her nest. Recently, one zealous gentleman broke my nest of peace when I came in a preaching mode inadvertently. I don’t wish to repeat such an incident in my life as that brings toll to one’s peace of mind. And latter at back of my mind, I kept asking myself what exactly went wrong! Actually many things were wrong! I did come in a preaching mode, at wrong place with wrong people.

I realized that I do come to preaching mode often. And maximum times, that preaching is undesired. I am thankful to my friends’ generosity for bearing such advices, and also for not bearing.

People share their state of affairs, worries or tensions as this is the way some of us like to connect with each other – but it never means that they are seeking our expert advices. And coming in preaching mode is a normal thing for anybody (but getting a destructive reaction may not be that normal …), but it is seldom the right thing to do! We all are packs of experiences and information. When this pack becomes overloaded, we tend to shed our loads here and there – discounting our pack’s value, sometimes irritating sometimes helping others. One may like to do it to boost their egos, or to share superiority of their information and experiences, or to wear an empathetic role if one really feels for it, or to do it as a job¹. It is the last option that makes a striking equilibrium in the world of preachers².
I believe only doctors should come in prescription mode. Why? They advise patients who have faith in them (patient has no other choice when it comes to doctors); they have every right to be well informed about the situation (patient cant hide his/her issues), and most importantly they are getting paid for it. Other groups falling in this category are teachers and consultants.

1. …, or if you are Nana Patekar and you are getting paid for yelling in a movie.
2. Personally, I don't remember myself disliking anybody's advice in my life. It is always a pleasure to know what others have to say on any issue. And for those occasional waste-of-time kinds of preachings – I have big filters; and I do have better methods of avoiding such occasions. This note is, with due respect, for those people whose advices I really loved - no matter right or wrong

Thesis Side-effects

Side effect #1: Weird social behavior

You wont find research students in a group of more than two, as they cant afford to! You know how hard it is match one's procrastination models, time management tools and techniques, and research orientations :). And when we are in a group, its hard for us to talk in a normal language. We tend to perform proper post-mortem of discussions happening around the table - and if they are not dead, they will eventually be :). And with all those readings and reflections day in day out, it is hard for us to come in a listening mode.

Side effect #3: No sense of time!

No matter how tough prediction task one is handling in his/her thesis, it is always hard for a research student to predict whether tomorrow is friday or saturday!

Today, I saw one familiar face in library as I was messed up with one of those NLP papers. To my surprise, I stopped him and said "I know you, right!". He too was familiar with my face. He said he was 2008 pass out...

my response: "hmm...2008...err which year is this..2010. Let me think, I joined three years back so I was with 2008 pass out batch ...no no 2009 pass out batch...no, I dont know" and I gave up.

And I couldn't help appreciating my temporal sense :). Actually he was from our senior batch who once got disturbed by our noisy project discussions in library. Thank God, my memory hasn't deceived me yet.

Side effect #3: What was I saying?

This syndrome runs in sync with our thesis progress. If one is at an initial stage where we have no specific direction of research, one tends to digress a lot from the main line of thought - as one must! And as we sit in a group, we talk about mess food, and suddenly we land up talking about organic food, business, profit, India China USA moon sun GOD $%^*#$%#%. But as the research progresses in a defined direction, one can see same amount of serenity coming along our faces :).

Written with no intentions of generalization.

Roots of Hindu Culture - I

हिनानी गुण्नानी दुष्यन्ति इति हिन्दू

मेरुतंत्र

According to this definition from the text of Merutantra, Hindu is one who destroys inferior guna in self¹. Vedas lay the foundation of Hinduism and various schools of thoughts co-existing in it. A Hindu may follow any of the Hindu schools of philosophy such as Advaita (non-dualism), Vishishtadvaita (non-dualism of the qualified whole), Dvaita (dualism), DvaitaAdvaita (dualism with non-dualism); he may follow a tradition centered on any particular divine like Shaivism, Vaishnavism, Shaktism etc.; and he may practice any of the yoga systems including bhakti, dharma, samsara etc. In legal language, Supreme Court of India adopts the definition given by Bal Gangadhar Tilak that goes like:

"Acceptance of Vedas with reverence, recognition of the fact that means of salvation are diverse, and realization of truth that number of Gods to be worshipped is large - that indeed is the distinguishing feature of a Hindu."

Source: wiki

Strange but how many Hindus today would like to or do identify themselves with above definitions?

Nonetheless, there is a vast majority for whom these scriptures are sacrosanct. But do they really adopt it the way they are? Has there been a widening gap between what those saints wrote and what we understood and how we understood along all this time - amid various influential phases of Indian history. Do you really think that Sati pratha, purdah system are products of our scriptures? The values behind the norms and cultures specified in these smritis - are they still living or we are just left with hollow and loud noises of so called "Hindu" culture. What exactly is our culture...where are its roots? Do we filter its components as per our fancy and desires, or do we really take pride in being related to Hindu culture? I am on this expedition, and will keep logging about my slow but steady journey of exploring what exactly lies beneath our Hindu ritis and riwaz.

About Hindu scriptures

Hindu law is derived from two classes of text - shruthi (revealed) and smriti (remembered).

Shruthi is believed to be direct revelation of cosmic sound of truth heard by ancient Rishis who then translated it into understandable form. Main shruti literature comprise of Vedas (Rig Veda, Yajur Veda, Sama Veda, and Adharva Veda) and their commentaries (Brahmanas, Arayanakas, Upanishads). Because of Vedas divine and unadulterated form, rule that claims connection to this literature is given more merit. Shruthi exists as a source of Hindu Law.

Smriti was composed after Vedas portraying the traditions of rules on dharma. Smriti consists of memories of wisdom that sages have passed on to their disciples. The earliest scripture in Smriti is Manu Smriti recently edited and translated by Patrick Olivelle. The Smriti literature includes six Vedangas, epics - the Ramayana and th Mahabharata, and th Puranas.

Smriti is considered second authority after Shruthi and is refered when Shruthi does not provide an answer.

Source: wiki

In Bhagvadgeeta, Shri Krishna tells Arjuna

"I preached this imperishable yoga to Vivasvata (Sun) who taught it to Manu, who in turn imparted it to Ishvaku. The saintly kings who received it by family tradition knew it, but in the course of time it was lost. The same yoga of antiquity I shall teach you today. Since you are not only my devotee, but also a dear friend of mine, I shall reveal to you this great mystery."

I believe that culture is product of a society - to bind it in harmony and in togetherness which is sometimes not inherent in nature. For such a force to be effective, a culture must change with changing society. What should not change is - the truth and the harmony.

1. Hindu is not a sanskrit word so not sure of the authenticity of this line!

Love Hatred

I am a woman.

Many writers have epitomised me as a symbol of love.

But I have no intentions of penning down how beautiful love is, and how horrible hatred is? But in a small and limited journey of mine, I intend to write how love and hatred are integral parts of our lives – and, if not balanced from either side – can make you an exploiter or an exploited.

This journey is about accepting the truth with full heartedness – and then walking the path of harmony – where there is room for everybody – for love and for hatred.

It is hard to believe in people who like being optimistic yet simultaneously hate being pessimistic. How can an optimist tread a path towards “life”, unless she accepts the plausible doubts of a pessimist. In that case, an ostrich with a dug head and a pigeon with closed eyes – are the optimists. Or a person who fights the armies with white flag might be classified as a pessimist. Paradigms of optimism and pessimism are not the actions one do, but the dreams one live. A pigeon with closed eyes might be optimistic about his death, but he didn’t dream about being alive either. Had he dreamt? He would have been flying high with his life! Everybody termed non-violence as a pessimistic’s tool, but Gandhi dreamt of freedom and accepted the truth. And from the truth – germinated the acts – term it optimism or pessimism, you may!

Optimism and Pessimism are two colors of life without which life is not fully visible. Similarly, love is survived by hatred and hatred is survived by love. You can not love a helpless fish if you fail to see her place in the food chain of a hungry scavenger! Beyond these debates of blacks and whites – stands truth – aloof and unaltered.

When tides flow against me

And my own shadows leave faith in me

I know I have to rise

From the depths of darkness

As somewhere I am sure

I am the one I believe in

When sun is too bright

And still makes me devoid of light

I know I have to shine

From the heat of unjust

As somewhere I am sure

I am the one I count upon

When my earth slips beneath my feet

And my own values shake my world

I know I have to relive

From the ashes of my errors

As I am sure

I am the one I survive by

Don't cry 'coz you are so right

Love this song...enjoy the school days freshness.
Link on youtube: Wind - Naruto

Script:

cultivate your hunger before you idealize
motivate your anger to make them all realize
climbing the mountain, never coming down
break into the contents, never falling down

my knee is still shaking, like I was twelve
sneaking out of the classroom, by the back door
A man railed at me twice though, but i didnt care
waiting is wasting for people like me

Dont try to live so wise
Dont cry 'coz you are so right
Dont dry with fakes or fears
'coz you will hate... in the end